Tags
Love, Men, Odor, Relationships, sex, Taste, the stench, Women
I recently noticed, this summer, that when I took my dog out for her midday walks to relieve herself that upon doing her business, and no sooner than I retrieved a baggy to scoop her poop that the stench of her business began to attract this small swarm of flies. This is no anomaly as I have witnessed this dance on several occasions, however the swiftness of attraction to this stench was quite shocking. No soon as the stench hit air there were already hungry, blood thirsty, flies coming to feast on the delicacy, bleed it dry and then move on.
The occurrence with my pooch reminded me of a conversation I had with a girlfriend regarding the earful she heard when her grandmother was dropping some knowledge to her younger, female, relative. To paraphrase grandmother, she simply explained that women who continue to date (or something like date) unavailable men whether these men are unavailable emotionally, socially, or otherwise, will never be married…if marriage is the goal. These women have a stench of desperation on them that alerts a certain type of man to their presence. These are the women who will accept anything and ultimately bend in order to keep (any kind of) a man in her life no matter the circumstances-albeit cheaters, liars, etc. These men, as soon as her stench wafts in their direction will swarm swiftly, feast assiduously, bleed emotionally, and move on to someone else. Like flies to fresh shit.
I have to be honest with myself because as I grow within my own honestly I find it to be quite therapeutic. I, like so many women, have played the fiddle of a fool and danced to the scratched tune of a man who I thought loved me immensely, but have come to realize that I may have been giving off this stench.
For the last three years (more like 3 ½ years), while doe eyed and clinging to the HOPE of love-the familiar of arms wrapped tightly around my breast and sweet breath tickling the hairs of my neck as we lay quietly sleeping in HIS bed dressed in MY sheets-he inhaled the stench of my desperation while secretly loving someone else. For three years as our rollercoaster went through its swift hitches and steep drops, our side-rolls and backwards turns in carts with no safety rails or seat belts, and while always finding us pulling into one another’s arms-as if there had been no sign of turbulence-he was sailing, in calm waters, and looking to the horizon with someone else. For three years as my heart inflated and deflated at the weight of our actions, from loving to shunning, to growing in love and out of it (to in it and out of it all over again), to hating and learning all over again how to smile in a direction tainted with the bitter taste of hurt, he was secretly becoming engaged to someone else. He fed. He drained. He moved on.
This is no anomaly.
I have had to sit in my truth and question my own self worth at the weight of the words spilling out to me from my friend’s mouth, which were tattered at the corner of every vowel with the sign of age and wisdom. Am I giving off such a stench? Is this the reason why my love for him had not been good enough to sustain US? My inner voice screamed, “Yes…you stink of a woman who is only worth a piece of a man, and he smelled you coming from a mile away.” The depth of this knowledge was nearly worth the sacrifice of the pain I endured; as he was only willing to provide me with 10% of himself, and as I provided a whole me, he maintained his level of comfort-swarming, feasting and draining.
Damn! I need a shower.
Stephen R. Freshley said:
The young people call this “thirsty” now LOL. As a former “player” I can attest to this. Woman and men alike do carry a strong “parched” aura but it is human nature. That is why I say it is always important to have an unattached “friend to the end”. So when you hit those bouts of loneliness you don’t give off that thirsty vibe you speak of. Even though it is intimacy, and not sex that fulfills us. At least when you are getting some on a regular, no strings attached, you don’t take whatever comes to you.
NAMICOUTURE said:
So now that you are a ‘former’ player…do you still carry around with you this “unattached ‘friend to the end?'”
Also when I think of “thirst” I think of attention-seeking, however the ‘stench’ I speak of here is unconscious-we are unaware of the the aroma we give off thereby causing us to fall victim to a continuous cycle of failed relationships. Because this is unconscious there is no self-assessment therefore there is no “perceived” reason to change.
Stephen R. Freshley said:
Honestly, I do not contact her regularly but I do keep up with her. I don’t have her number or anything like that but thanks to social media I know where an how to find her if my relationship goes that far south.
I don’t think the thirsty are conscious of their thirst either so in that they may be one in the same as to carrying a “stench”. No insult intended. But I have definitely been thirsty/carried the stench many a day in my life.
NAMICOUTURE said:
Stephen I appreciate your comment, however I must respectfully disagree with your paralleling ‘thirst’ and ‘the stench’ and equating them to meaning the same thing as it relates to relationships. I would almost regale to say I can see your point, however when it comes to (especially) a woman carrying the stench it is really continuing to go back to the same thing, (mostly) the same person, the same sort of behavior that is anti–relationship. When I think of thirst this is a spontaneous need for the moment…
Furthermore, in my opinion, I believe that your continual need to keep track of a woman who is only there to thwart your “thirsty” desires of going out and seeking random _______ is really an insecurity (no disrespect) on the strength of the relationships you build. My question to you is why must you keep this woman in your life if you wont a) make her more then a cuddle buddy, OR b) get into, develop, and strengthen serious, adult relationships?
Stephen R. Freshley said:
That’s cool I can understand and agree that “the stench” is probably vastly different for women and men. I’d even say that the “stench” is for women and “thirst” is for men.
I think there may have been a misunderstanding about what I stated in regards to my “friend to the end”. I am in a long term relationship. Being that I am in a long term relationship I let go of my “friend to the end” but I know how to find her. What you see as insecurity is actually a commonplace practice. Every man has a “friend to the end”. Ask all your male friends and I promise they will confirm. As far as “keeping her in my life”, she isn’t and I don’t. But I know that for the most part no matter if she is involved or not, if I contact her she will be DTF.
Lassh said:
Stop dragging your feet. Visit blurb.com and write that book of short expressions. You’ll be glad you did!
Corliss said:
Damn…. I don’t know anyone who could have said it any better. I was forced to share what I was reading with some people on the plane. You must teach a class.
NAMICOUTURE said:
lol. I don’t know about teaching a class, but I really appreciate your read as well as your share!!
Privlej said:
Hope all is well with you (have a great holiday) God Bless!
Sent from my iPhone
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NAMICOUTURE said:
All is well…thanks for asking.
Ashley said:
Wow! I think I need a shower!
NAMICOUTURE said:
It’s real honey.
catherinenancy said:
You captured how so many women (and men) feel so eloquently. Love your candor and will can’t wait to share — your wisdom.
NAMICOUTURE said:
I really appreciate this. Please share!