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(Click to Listen- I Prayed)

Here is a little background. I began this poem months ago, maybe earlier this year…January I’m thinking, and tucked it away for a rainy day. I finished this poem last night, in the middle of rehearsing another poem on marriage. Interesting how the mind never lets you forget some things. This is my rainy day poem. Enjoy

My mother was a Christian who drank Miller Lights and smoke cigarettes religiously
My father, although believes he believes he believes in GOD, runs to his pharmacist in times of despair
They never married
So my birth was not coveted by the church
So when I pray the Lord’s Prayer
Every night
On bended knee
Praying that HIS will be done
bathing in these words
cleansing my spirit
and showering my insecurities between the lines of this testimony
In the hopes that my fears would not resurrect in the pits of my stomach
Claw its way out my mouth
And stand in the presence of me
as me
in the hopes that I will not walk back to you when my days become dark
And my flesh weak
For a moment of playing house in plagiarized love scenes acted out with lines of temporary truths
Set in sheets stained by some other bitch
Performing our own rendition of What Love’S Got to Do With It
And then the phone rings
And your words pierce my ears like new diamonds
tattoo my skin with goose bumps
and there I am again
in the presence of you
Entangled in the wrath of you
Rehearsing these scenes all over again
Losing my divinity’s virginity all over again
And realizing at that moment that I most have gotten the words wrong

And that my birth is not coveted by the church
So instead of praying
I wish to GOD

I wish my heart would stop beating
Free from palpitations and momentary hiccups just stopped
And the wells of my eyes became fruitless and barren
Emotions embalmed with shit and grit
So the words ‘Fuck You’ flowed free from my tongue
Just like your name and at one point in time the words ‘I Love You’
And mean it just as much
I wish that for a moment I could sacrifice my soul
Nail it to a cross
Pierce these words to my side
Bleed blood of not giving a fuck

So that I won’t give a fuck
Walk a way not giving a fuck
Run on not giving a fuck
Instead of memories
Of your eyes
And my smile
And your touch
And my love

I wish you never existed
In the creases of my finger
tips of my tongue
where your name replaced taste
I wish to GOD I didn’t remember those times
That you made feel
Everything
And these tears would
Just
Die

But then I remember
That my mother was a Christian who drank Miller Lights and smoke cigarettes religiously
And
My father, although believes he believes he believes in GOD, runs to his pharmacist in times of ware
They never married
So my birth was not coveted by the church
So when I pray the Lord’s Prayer each and every night

He never hears me

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