Contrary to popular beliefs, fueled by testosterone, women are not born insecure. There is no trait, passed by the mother to the daughter, through DNA, that produces an insecure little girl and years later an insecure woman. This means there is no evidence of genome mapping that traces back to a particular gene on any chromosomes that’s indicative of an insecure abnormality, like Breast Cancer or Down Syndrome, that can be explained, through medical science, on how one’s life will possibly unfold. Also contrary to popular beliefs, fueled by popular music and over-rehearsed reality television, some women do not carry baggage from one relationship to another. Most women do, however, notice signs much sooner, realize what they will and will not deal with much faster, and play their hand much wiser, having dealt with all kinds of men in their past-it’s the nature of growing up and into one’s self. How can I honestly know if I like chocolate if I have never tried chocolate? That’s the nature of knowing what’s best-having sampled many options. Now, although I will not say that insecurity can be genetically explained through medical science, I will however, say that insecurity can best be compared to a symptom of a much bigger disease. Insecurity can only be caught when having dealt with someone who is not “secure” in being honest, “secure” in communicating, “secure” in their present relationship or even “secure with themselves. Lies, or even the perception of a lie, are spread and insecurity is caught.
I remember back in a past relationship where things were going great between me and my then “love interest”. We were the BEST of friends-inseparable really. We were two of the most delicious peas in a perfect pod-I was smitten. Our relationship progressed out of a great friendship. Nothing was rushed. We had great communication…or so I thought. In the beginning of every budding relationship there is an excitement with marathon conversations where two people can’t help but indulge in the glow of one another’s life, feelings, thoughts, and desires…it’s the newness, the unknown and the discovery that keeps one drinking from the cup of information and the other keeping the glass full. I was DRUNK and happy and at every chance that I had to belly up to the bar I wanted to be hit again…that is until I was cut off. I thought I could ask this person any and everything without fear or consequence. I mean this person was open with sharing himself to me until the most simple questions were received with speculative answers and speculative answers were now turning into innuendos of me dreaming up something in my head and for the longest time I thought maybe it is me. To make a what-can-turn-into-a-long-story really short there was a communication breakdown. I asked questions, initially, not coming from a place of blame, but really coming from a place of hurt. He was my best friend and now I am being shunned…”what’s happening”, “let’s talk about it”, and “what can I do to help”? with the answer always being nothing, no, and everything is fine and of course you know everything is not fine. What once was a trusting and loving relationship with open communication was turning into an environment of wall building and secret keeping and the worst place for any woman to be when a man builds walls is trapped on the outside of that wall and on the inside of her own head. I was in disbelief and denial about what was truly happening in my life and unfortunately there was only one way I could get resolution to my escalating problem…I had to go get it myself.
What many people fell to realize when dealing with someone who may seem a little insecure about what is happening in their present relationship, is that you really need to let go of your own ego and examine what you may be doing to irritate the situation. There are a number of people who do not enter into a brand new relationship insecure, but within the course of that relationship begin to show signs of insecurity. If you really care for your mate, you would care about what they are feeling and possibly slow down on the actions which may be causing the insecurity to begin with or at least having open and honest dialog about it. If not, if you are so unwilling to check your own actions, you should not be mad when the insecure party is left with no choice but to find their own answers which may be in some cases snooping.
Its 2011 and the world is changing daily. Every day in the news you hear about spouses of unfaithful partners being killed, children kidnapped, and other unspeakable crimes taking place on the heel of infidelity. Shows like Snapped, Wicked Attraction, and Unsolved Mysteries are E-Classrooms for the twisted and deranged. Now I understand how my mentioning these shows can seem a little farfetched of a reason for one to be proactive in discovering the truth within their own relationship, but unfortunately shows like the ones mentioned would not be in existence if situations that are synonymous with these shows were not occurring everywhere. These particular shows highlight the gruesomeness of what people are capable of when they feel like they have been misled or that they cannot live without the person who is fueling their happiness, while shows like Maury and Springer glorify what some would consider the lighter side of infidelity such as catty fighting, bitter living, and the spread of communicable diseases-all of which may not be so easy to rid yourself of and none of which I ever wanted in my happy existence. So I became proactive about my happiness and I snooped finding exactly what I expected to find and although what I found brought an end to what I thought and hoped was a great existence with a long future it paved a way for my peace of mind and cured me of my insecurity.